Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mom packs the church to the rafters

I want to add to what Scott posted about Mom's funeral this past Saturday (Sept. 19). Grace Church was absolutely full of people who loved Eileen. Our thanks to Pastor Duane and the ladies who prepared a great luncheon. It was a fitting tribute to Mom and we know she would approve.
It was also rewarding to hear how much Mom impacted the lives of so many people. And, strange as it may seem on a day that we buried our mother's remains, we had a lot of fun reconnecting with friends and relatives. And we went through quite a bit of beer and other libations back at the house afterward.
Again, thanks to everyone who made a sad day go as well as it did.

A visit with Dad

Len and I and our respective families had a nice visit with Dad yesterday. Dad was having a good day and was as sharp as I had seen him in a f couple of months. His voice was sometimes strong and he seemed to be tracking with what we were saying and engaged in the conversation with some depth and concentration.

Dad asked about Mom and we again told him that she had passed away. We shared that she had been cremated and was buried at the cemetery at the plots they had purchased. He asked if cancer was cause.

We did not mention that the memorial was held over the weekend and feel that that is best left alone for now. The fact that Heidi, April and I were visiting likely stirred some curiosity and we explained that we were there to help get affairs in order such as fixing on the duplex and other estate affairs. Of course this is completely true and probably enough for now.

The Breck home is as good a situation as I can imagine for Dad an he seems to really be enjoying the staff there, joking with them regularly and responding to their care. He had been asking about how long he was going to stay there and one of the staff responded that they expect him to be there for quite a while. I believe that Dad is responding so very much better with the good and caring care he is getting that, yes, indeed, we can expect him to be with us for a good while yet, and having many good days.

Please feel free to visit Dad at the Breck facility. He seems to be able to enjoy that now. Just call ahead to make sure he is up to it that day(612) 702-8801.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Peaceful Sunday


I know I speak for all of us lads and our families, we are so grateful for the outpouring of love and support we have been showered with over the last weeks and again during the celebration of Mom's life over the weekend. You all meant so much to Mom and she loved the lot of you.
We were not so surprised that a celebration of Mom's life might attract a couple hundred people. She clearly had touched us all with her determination and graciousness. However, we sure were gratified to enjoy it with you, tears and all. Peace my friends. Peace.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Post-funeral gathering

After the brief burial ceremony at the cemetery on Saturday, we will host a get-together at Mom and dad's house in Columbia Heights for friends and relatives who would like to socialize more than was possible at the church. We can't promise the kind of spread Mom would have put out but we will have light refreshments and perhaps some sandwiches, etc.

A nice visit with Dad


Len, Kerry and Julia visited Dad at Breck Home on Saturday, 9/12. he was doing very well, all things considered. He seemed pretty content and was very talkative. He certainly isn't the same old guy anymore but he was having fun talking about old time music and his kids attempts at playing it. He also seems pretty quick with a joke and still has a bit of the old spark.
We also met with hospice care and it seems that Dad qualifies. He'll get some additional services from Medicare that way.
If you would like to visit, just let us know. We can give you directions, etc. It's very important to check with Breck Home nurses before visiting to make sure Dad is having a good day. Otherwise he may not recognize you. We are trying to keep "commotion" to a minimum because that seems to trigger Dad's anxiety but he would love to have you go see him and so would we.
By the way, the picture is of Dad dancing with nurse "George," who is not a man despite the nickname.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Charlie's days

On Saturday, 9/5/09 I visited with Charlie. He seemed a bit anxious and was asking to leave. He wanted to go see the ocean somewhere. We talked about Breck and the nurses there and he seems to like it. By the time I left, however, I could see that he wasn't quite right. I spoke with the nurse on duty and she agreed that his day had been a bit different.

Kerry and I received a phone call from Jennifer Morgan at Breck on Monday morning, 9/7/09. Jennifer said that she was unable to wake him, he had a slight fever and once he did wake up a couple hours later was unable to get out of bed. We drove up to visit Charlie in the afternoon and he was still in bed. His temperature was 100.1 degrees and he seemed very agitated. These symptoms, however, we have seen before and Charlie had gone to the hospital in August because of them. The doctors ran many tests only to state that this is late stage Parkinsons Disease and they may become more frequent over time. Therefore, Jennifer, Kerry and I sat with him and kept him as comfortable as possible to ride out the storm.

By Tuesday morning, 9/8/09 Charlie was awake and feeling much better. He had a pretty "normal" day even taking a ride with the other 5 residents to go have ice cream! Looks like it's just part of the "roller coaster" of living with Parkinson's. Hopefully he will have more good days than bad.

Thanks for all of your continued support and love.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Eileen's Funeral arrangements set

Mom's funeral will be held Saturday, Sept. 19th at 11a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church. It's on the corner of Lowry and Cleveland Avenues in northeast Minneapolis.
Feel free to arrive earlier because we'll have lots of pictures from Mom's full life on display. If you have any photos you would like to share contact Len, Scott or Kerry.
After the service there'll be a lunch served in the church's community room. We plan to bury Mom's remains at 2p.m. at Morningside Memorial Gardens just off University Avenue in Coon Rapids.
Everyone is welcome to join us for the interment and/or for a gathering at Mom and Dad's house in Columbia Heights afterward.
For a map to the church, click here.
For a map to the cemetery, click here.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Charlie's moving day

Charlie was released from Hastings Regina Grace Unit this morning. The medicine evaluation resulted in some positive changes and behaviors for him. We know the dimentia, agitation and aggresive behavior is late stage Parkinson's symptoms and we can't change the progress of the disease. The last few days have been good so it's time to move on.

My friend, Jennifer Morgan owns and operates Breck Home Care Center in Bloomington. She specializes in taking people with memory/dimentia/Parkinson's issues. There was Divine Intervention when she called me basically out of the blue to ask about Charlie and Eilleen and tell me she had a room open. The sequence of events is truly a miracle! Just ask me!!! :)

When Kerry, Len and I picked Charlie up he recognized us (and gave me his usual ration of "crap"), and gave BIG hugs. He was cognicent and was able to understand and answer questions. He walked, with assistance into Breck and immediately joined his house mates (six of them) for lunch. He ate without help and seemed very comfortable hanging out, giving the resident dogs a treat.

Breck has a website you can check out: www.breckhomes.org. Is is an actual home with six bedrooms for clients, a large "great" room with a fireplace, along with a large kitchen and dining area. There is a beautiful patio out front, a deck out back along with a four season porch. The back yard boasts nice gardens, a swing and a small lake (complete with ducks and geese). We were very excited. There are three staff available at all times.

Len asked Charlie if he liked the place after a few hours. He answered "yes." Len asked if he would like to stay there. He said, "yes." We believe this is dad's best chance at living his life to his full potential. We know that Eileen would be pleased with the current developments with dad's precarious situation.

Keep the faith!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Link to Mom's obituary

If you want to view the obituary we placed in today's Star-Tribune, click here.

More improvement seen with Dad

Kerry talked with the nurses at Hastings today and the news was positive. Dad has been pretty calm and responsive on three straight days now. He seems to do better when there's not lots of things going on around him, so they will move him to a quieter place when he starts to get uncomfortable. He watched most of the Twins game today and talked a bit with a nurse about his "boys." They say he does well when he takes his medicine but not very well when he refuses. Fortunately those bad times have been fewer.
The doctor, social worker and nurses will conference tomorrow and update Kerry on a possible release date, which could be as early as Wednesday. We are still unclear which nursing home he'll go to. We are checking out several possibilities to be sure that he's in a facility that is best for him.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Mom's Obituary

An obituary for Mom will appear in the Sunday Minneapolis Star and Tribune. Nothing too fancy...just the facts with a nice picture taken at Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary party.

A Good Day for Dad

Yesterday (Friday) was perhaps Dad's best day since arriving at the hospital in Hastings. He was calm all day, responded to jokes by nurses, spoke more clearly, took his medicine willingly (even thanked one of the nurses for it) and ate well. While we are still realistic about his prognosis, we'll take it as a good sign and hope that his progress continues. The nurses say they are seeing small improvement but dad is still not ready to be released.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kerry and Len Visit Dad

Kerry and Len went down to Hastings to visit Dad yesterday. Dad had had a calm day but Kerry and Len doubt that he recognized them. The nurse caring for Dad didn't think it was useful for Dad to tell him about Mom just now.

Julia has been working to get him a space at a more permanent living facility that specializes in brain care in the cities. The folks down in Hastings will continue to try to make progress with Dad for another week or so.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Funeral plans

We've decided to have Mom's funeral September 19th. 11AM at Grace United Methodist Church. Lots to celebrate for a life well lived and loved.

Our hope is that we can get Dad well enough to join us by then. Kerry talked to the Hastings facility today. We are trying to talk with the doctor down there tomorrow to figure what will be best for Dad with the news. The nurse said he had a pretty calm day but not much communication from Dad. They have adjusted his medications to try and deal with the hallucinations and paranoia while trying to maintain some mobility. This is where our heartbreak continues. The medical team still feels that visits will not be helpful at this point. We'll take this a day at a time once again.

I return to Alaska tomorrow.

Mom Passes Over

About an hour ago, Mom's body let her go. She passed peacefully. Kerry and Pastor Duane were with her when she breathed her last. We are so grateful for all the kindness and love so many of you surrounded us all with in these sad days.

We start funeral arrangements this afternoon. Mom wanted to be cremated so we'll expect to have a celelbration of her life in the coming weeks but not immediately.

Peace.

Another morning-Tuesday

Mom had become unresponsive but her body still hangs on. Peace appears to have taken hold. Vitals showing the signs of the last stages. Kerry and Len with her now. May join them soon.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday night

Well Mom is still with us tonight. She isn't trying to talk anymore. She was having a bit of pain this early afternoon so we got her medication increased and she was quite peaceful this evening. Len came back from appleton this evening after driving his family home yesterday. Kerry and Julia are here tonight having dropped their kids home today too.



We sit here watching the Twins and Baltimore. Only thing missing is our mother joining us yelling at the TV.



Mom continues to let lose of this world. Among the many astonishing things about Mom is once she decided she was done fighting, she never hesitated. Her faith makes her fearless. She has no doubt that she is going home to be with Jesus.

I expect that when we are ready to go that Mom will meet us at the gate with a nice hotdish. They may even let Len in just to keep her cooking for the whole congregation.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Kerry and I hung out a while with Eileen tonight. She's calm, comfortable and peaceful. She still responds to questions with nods, but no words anymore. Very weak but hears all that goes on around her.

Sleep peacefully tonight Eileen.

Sunday Morning

A beautiful Sunday morning with a nice fallish breeze and Mom is still with us. Kerry, Julia, and Len are down with her now.


The folks caring for Dad in Hastings told Len yesterday that while Dad was having his challenges there, there is no reason for us to worry about him. It's the type of thing they deal with and they have everything handled. They suggested to Len that he has enough to worry about up here. Kind words and we hope they are true.

It sounded like he was having a little better day yesterday.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday night

Kerry, Len, Julia, Amy and I sat with Mom tonight. When she wakes, we are giving her ice chips. This gives her some comfort. She's taking a couple of pain medications and appears to be in no pain but when she's awake, she's quite cognisant of what is happening around her and quite able to communicate. Then she's back off to sleep.

Judy and Xavier stopped in tonight and sat with Mom for a few minutes. Judy and Xavier Alvorez have been like another set of children to Mom and Dad so it was good that they came. Bob and June Anderson were out to see another friend at the nursing home and stopped in too. Lots of tears and remembrances going on throughout the day.

We left Mom in the capable hands of the nursing staff tonight and they have been in every 20-30 minutes this evening to check on Mom. Mom is clearly at peace.
Spending time with Eileen at this time is such a privilege. I admire her patience, bravery, cognitive sharpness and willingness to share her precious time with me. We share a big smile and a laugh as we remember some of the past stories and mishaps over the years.

We have spent most of the day together today along with various other family members and she continues to rest peacefully.

Your continued prayers and support are greatly appreciated by us all.





Saturday

Mom was moved to a private room today at the nursing home. That should limit some of the noise and interuptions. She's appears to be in no pain and sleeps most of the time. Ev and Bob and Bob and Vicki stopped by and we had a nice vist at the house. Mom asked Len this morning why she was still here. The woman is ready to go and her body is slowly beginning to cooperate. We'll be watching now for any signs of pain or discomfort.

Another pleasant day of visits here at the house and over the telephone. Kerry is sitting with Mom now. Xavier stopped by this morning and we had some nice rememberances. Judy (formerly Stukel) and I had a lovely chat last night. The recogition of the amazing generosity and the key roles that the love, so freely given by our folks to those that they encountered, keep being told and celebrated.

That part of this experience is certainly rich.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday night

A steady stream of well wishes and company today. Just wrapping up a nice visit with cousins Jenny (formerly Snelson) and Bob and Mike Snelson. Kerry and Len and their families have gathered at the old homestead. The house bursts at the seams and all that is missing is Mom and Dad. Mom is still too weak to have company but the grandkids got a chance to say their good-byes today. Hospice facilitated pain medication for Mom and we started that after the grandkids got a short visit tonight. We expect that mom will now sleep even more and get some peace from some of the anxiety of the wait. She just wants to go over the river.

Dad is still struggling a bit down in Hastings. Len talked with the doctor this afternoon and they figure that if they decease the sinemet (dopamine replacement) doses it might reduce the hallucinations and perhaps some of the negative behaviors. Of course that will also likely decrease his mobility. From discussions with the staff in Hastings it seems like visits will not help Dad at this point. The usual stay for this facility is about 11 days. This is day three. We expect that Dad knows that Mom is dying and it has him shook up as has the major disruption in all his routines. We'll continue to consult with the folks down there as to the best way to get recognition of the reality processed. It just doesn't seem time to push this. Dad's deteriorated condition has been as painful to all of us as anything else and it seems so lacking in any good or right paths.
Hospice was in this morning and Julia was there to discuss things with them. Mom is not drinking or eating and the body just doesn't hang on without that. We expect that she will let loose of this world in the coming days. The hospice nurse who helps people through these things says that she's never seen anyone so ready. We'll count that as a true blessing.

Mom is just so weak so seeing visitors seems like it might not be good. One of the immediate family will be there most all the time I expect. Maia and I are headed over now.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sat with Mom for a little over an hour tonight. Still no pain but she really wants it to be over. Body wants to fight on. Mom refusing food and water now. Kerry and Family coming in to town in a little while and will stop in. We'll visit with Hospice in the morning to see if they have any suggestions. As they say, there's no instruction book for this stuff. And of course what day can be complete without a little adventure. Kerry just called, nail in a tire. Oh my.

As for Dad, well the nurse at the Hastings facility said he had a better day yesterday. Pretty uncooperative today complete with a spoon throwing incident. Well, he's always been a feisty devil. Here's to a little better day tomorrow.

Thursday afternoon

Maia and I visited Mom this morning. Maia was able to sit with Mom for a few hours. Pastor Duane came in this morning and shared communion with Mom and Maia and me. Mom has it in her mind that she's ready to meet her savior and is eager to get on with it. We did some additional paperwork with Hospice so they can help us navigate these next days. I had to tell Mom this morning that it was going to be between her and God on timing. Her voice was a little clearer this morning and she says she has no pain.

A call from the Hastings facility this morning where Dad is staying. They said he was having a good morning and was talking and walking (with help) and seemed to be settling in. They are trying a few new medicines to try and deal with the dementia and there is some hope there that at least he can have some better days.

I know that Mom and our whole family appreciate all the kindness so many of you have shown during these trying times. Len, Kerry and their respective families will be up tonight and tomorrow. More later.
Kerry called the Grace Program in Hastings last night to check on Dad. We had a rash of tornados moving through the area yesterday afternoon and the storms moved over to the Hastings area. The last storms that moved through the area set Dad off a bit so Kerry thought he's check in with the Hastings facility. Well words like " he was having a "good" afternoon" was like water in the desert to all of us.

After a cup of coffee, I head back over to the St. Anthony Health Center to visit with the facility social worker to square away the hospice care and to visit with Mom.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wednesday

The good news is that Mom is comfortable and doesn't seem to be in any pain. She's extremely tired but is in sound mind. She is in St. Anthony Health Care Center and they are taking good care of her. We had the Hospice representative in today and brings us all comfort that they will make sure all is comfortable for Mom in these final days. Mom is no longer eating regularly and tells us she is ready for the final chapter. Or pull the plug as she puts it. The pastor from Grace Church will be by in the morning and will facilitate communion for her. Mom is too weak for visitors but wants folks to know she appreciates so many folks well wishes and love.

We took Dad down to a psychiatric hospital down in Hastings yesterday. They specialize in getting brain chemistry right as Dad has been largely "on another planet" for a couple of weeks. It is heartbreaking for us of course to have to facilitate both care for Dad's advance Parkinson's condition and tend to Mom, and not be able to do it at their home. But we have done the best we can to get them both the best care that is available.